I just realize that I need to do more than what I thought..
By the way, I'm talking about lab works ok..

So scared～
Can I graduate??
It's up to me, yeah I know..

OK, dear friends,
let's give our best!

Aku ada bukak satu account baru kat satu site ni ha, nama dia

Ameba.

Dia bukan stakat blog je, macam2 la ada.
Nihonjin byk gune mende ni.
Mcm facebook la kot, dlm nihongo.
Lagha aku main Ameba nih.
Ish2.. jgn aku jd hamba Ameba ni pulak sudah.
Tapi sunyi r sorg2 je.
Sume nihonjin.
Gakkou pun sama.
Lama2 aku pikir..
日本人ばかりの所にいて、寂しいなぁ。。
Yappari kene ade kawan yg satu kepala. Satu vision.

Ke arah Ustaziatun Alam!!

Oh ye.
Hari ni aku bgn lmbat.
Pastu Alifah n Kak Qilah datang.
Alifah kata,
"Bangun kak yana, bangun. Buang sifat jahiliah tuh!"
Trus aku bangun.
Peh berkesan sekali nasihat anda ye, Alifah.
Kawan2 yg lain pun kalo da bosan kejut aku,
bolehla tiru セリフAlifah..heheh
Slama ni kalo kawan2 sebilik aku kejut,
"Yana bangun makan."
Maka aku trus membuka mata mencari makanan tersebut..heheh

Ok lah, bile aku bley buang sifat jahiliah yang dah sebati nih..
Kak Yong kata kite akan merasai kesakitan yang pedih
bila buang sifat jahiliah dalam diri kita..
Yelah dah sebati lah katakan..
Huuu.. harap2 aku dapat gunakan masa yang Allah bagi ni sebaik2nya..

Aku perlukan kawan2 sume.
Aku pun cuba la jadi org yg bmanfaat utk korang..
tak tau boleh ke tak..
少し頑張ります。。

Today, I went to lab at 1pm.
Then I corrected my C program until Houkou Vector part.
Ok.
At least sensei smiled when talking to me.
At last I could talk with somebody in the lab although only a bit.

It's not that I'm a person who doesn't talk much.
But I won't talk if I feel guilty of not doing something that I should do.
I feel hard to spill ideas if I don't understand what everybody is discussing about.
Especially during group projects.
When that time comes, I want to go home. Early as possible.
I just can't stand being lukut.
If just talking in kedai kopi, of course I can talk.
Because there's no responsibilities of anything. Just talk nonsensely.

I think we could know what kind of people someone are by reading their blogs.
So, what kind of people am I???

Sorry because I don't give anything beneficial for you to read.
I'd love to, but dunno how.

At least from 1page and a half,
now I can write until 4pages of program.
Hey, that's a progress what～

Fizah talked about writing thesis.
Waaa～
I still don't plan what I must do to graduate.

Ok, let's make the list:
1) Finish this line tracer program
2) Read & understand the thesises about Learning Boolean Function via Fourier Transform
3) Think of some experiment method & ask sensei/senpai about the relevance
4) Write program for the experiment while writing some part of the thesis
5) Analysis the experiment data
6) Re-experiment until OK
7) Write whole thesis
8) Prepare for the presentation

And shoooot! I've only two monts left to do all this! And I still can't imagine the experiment method!!
Phew～what a challenge!
For Nurul Liyana binti Mohamad Zulkufli,
there's no such thing as "it's too late".
The more giri-giri, the more I won't give up!
Like the "limit" power when you play some games like KOF or Final Fantasy.
The character's vitality is getting lower, and he/she will be KO soon,
but because of that his/her true power come up to the surface.
Yeah, don't give up!

 Aku baca blog2 kawan2 aku,semuanya berfikiran positif aje. Aku heran la, aku je yang asyik nak merungut membebel mende2 negatif memanjang. Tak de mende indah & seronok ke yang aku nak cakapkan??

 Entahlah (ni pun salah satu 口癖(くちぐせ、tabiat bcakap) aku),
aku rasa aku tak wat mende yang bermakna la dlm hidup aku.

Aku ada segalanya:
Keluarga,
Orang tersayang,
Tempat tinggal,
Duit cukup utk kperluan skarang,
Kawan2,
Lab & research & daigaku yg bg aku chance,
Sensei yang bagi aku chance,
....
Pendek kata keperluan yang Allah bagi kat aku tu cukuplah.

Tapi, なんか足りない。

Mungkin sbb aku tak jaga semua benda yang aku dapat tu dengan baik.
Family, aku tak tau mcm mana nk eratkn silaturrahim dgn family mcm org lain.
Org tersayang, ye kt dia ade segala pekerjaan yg aku nak jd dulu:
Ahli psikologi, pendakwah, surirumah, setiausaha dot dot dot..
aku yang nak sgt jd ahli psikologi, bdakwah kt bkn islam, amik ko.. kn dpt sorg.
Tu pun tak tentu lagi aku dgn dia ke tak.

Tak tentu lagi aku boleh jadi isteri/ibu solehah ke tak.

Boleh2, insya Allah.
Ya Allah, berikanlah kami berdua, ibu bapa, ahli keluarga kami, sahabat2 kami, orang sekeliling kami, umat islam dan manusia sekeliannya, petunjuk-Mu Ya Allah.
Bantulah kami mentaati-Mu Ya Allah,
matikanlah kami dalam keadaan beriman Ya Allah.

Doa, doa.. tapi lab tak pegi. Research wat dunno.
Pastu malam kene layan "patient" pulak.
Astaghfirullah, tak boleh ke aku cakap mende2 yang baik psl org yg aku sayang?

Aku sayang, dan aku respek dia, cuma
aku takut aku tak cukup baik.

Kenapa aku rasa aku tak cukup baik dlm pergaulan dgn keluarga, shabat2, org tsayang, orang2 yang aku jumpa..kenapa?
Sebab aku tak jalankan tanggungjawab aku sebagai pelajar tahun 4 dgn sebaik2nya.
Aku tak pegi lab stiap pagi smpai petang mcm org lain.
Aku pegi waktu yang aku suka.
Selamba je.
Mesti sebab salah mindset dulu.
"Lab aku takde core time, so bley pegi suke ati." Ade pulak mcm tu.

Adakah sudah terlambat untuk aku mengubah mindset aku itu, kawan2..?
Aku tau, jawapannya mesti "Tidak".
Cuma aku segan. Dah last2 minute baru nak terhegeh2 wat research.
Aku ego tak bertempat.
Nak kene buang ego nih.

Proposal biasiswa, selamba je tak buat. Nak putus asa, senang je.
Ye lah, anta rabu depan, baru nak tulis hari ni??
Bagi aku tak muri. Cuma maybe tak dpt recommendation sensei.

Aku tak reti lah nak bkerja dlm kumpulan..
Maybe aku bukan jenis bkerja dlm kmpulan, maybe aku lebih baik dlm bgerak sorg2..
Wpun aku rasa byk org bpendapat,
zaman skang semua mende pun perlu bantuan org lain.
Tapi maybe itu just, not me.
Aku mcm susah2 je menafikan diri sendiri.
Aku patut terima diri aku seadanya.
Aku patut terima sifat2 diri aku, dan lihatnya dari sudut positif.

I just need to know who I really am.

Yeah, mmg aku tak tau aku ni org mcm mana,
dan ape yang aku nak wat untuk masa depan.
Ape kata aku jujur je dgn diri aku.

Aku nak kahwin, tapi takmo grand2... akad nikah, jamuan sket cukup..
Supaya ape aku wat untuk org tsayang dpat pahala,
dan yang penting Allah pun suka.
Lagi, mesti aku semangat lebih nak berusaha.. hehe.

Tapi aku tak nak anak lagi wat masa sekarang. Sebab aku xsure aku bley layan baby/ kanak2 elok2 ke tak.
Tengok org lain layan baby, slamba je.. aku plak takut baby/kanak2 tu tak suka duk dgn aku.
Takpe, tu bley biasakan diri.. Aku tak benci budak2. Diorg comel dan aku lagi suke
kalau diorg pun layan aku...harharhar
Cuma aku takut aku layan/cakap dgn budak2 mcm org dewasa pulak, hehe

Dan pasal keje pulak,
aku nak keje yang boleh buat kat rumah.
Yang paling aku suka, kalo boleh keje bila2 masa yang aku suka.
Takde core time.
Pastu keje yang boleh wat sorang2, kalau tak boleh pun,tak payah ada peranan penting dalam group.
Kalo boleh, nak keje yang bley mengaplikasikan kesukaan aku pada bahasa & lukisan/ kreativiti.
Keje rutin sama hari2 pun takpe.

Yang aku pening, aku takde daya fokus la..sejak akhir2 ni btambah teruk.
Pandang buku2 bkn plajaran tuh, "Ah, aku nak baca la buku tu."
pandang 論文org lain, "Ah, aku nak bacalah."
pandang 論文berkaitan research aku," Ah, aku nak bacalah."
pandang puzzle coklat aku, " Ah, aku nak wat la."
pandang dapur," Ah, aku nak masak la."
pandang periuk nasi,"Ah, aku nak masak nasi la."
pandang henset,"Ah, aku nak mesej kawan2 aku la."
pandang intenet,"Ah, aku nak tgk blog2 menarik la."
pandang tu.."Ah, aku nak,...."

Last2 semua pun tak siap. Separuh2 je.
Haih... aku ni ade penyakit ke??

Hah, lagi satu,
kalo aku kahwin, mestila nak duk dgn suami.
nak duk satu negara dgn suami, di samping ade duit yang cukup untuk balik rumah mak slalu.
So,bila ditanya "ape awak nak buat lepas grad?"
aku takde jawapan lain, " saya nak cari keje kat jepun",
pastu aku terpaksa sambung "pastu balik malaysia."
Aku bukan tak nak balik malaysia.
Cuma kalo menjadilah kitorg ni, cmne aku nak balik keje kat msia?
So, aku bminat dlm bidang2 bkaitan international sket,
Menyumbang untuk Malaysia di luar Malaysia.
Ok what?
Cuma english aku makin hampeh skang. Kene polish balik.
Tak kua pkataan english. Tengok nombor pun kua nihongo aje.

Sejak aku tgk filem "Front of the Class", aku sedar yang tudung bukan halangan untuk bjaya!

Yay apple crumble aku da siap. Ape rase ek? hehe

"Truth must make sense.
When a detective wants to find the truth, he looks for clues, examines the evidence and uses his power of reasoning. People employ this method for all matters, except in the field of religion! This is where they abandon their reason and believe blindly in whatever they are taught!"


Ologunde Sa, Ex-Atheist, India
http://www.islamreligion.com/articles/1577/

aih penat la update links. huhu.. tak abeh lagi tuh..
link ke blog kwn2 ku sekalian.. blum kwn dr sek men lg..

sbnrnye nk citer yg hr nih kua dgn alifah.. hehe
tp duk cari link penat dah nk citer huhu..
blum tua da cpt penat..huhu

ehhhh bile aku nk wat kije nih..

baca2 blog kwn2, bru aku tau, mcm2 citer rupenye..
slame ni ingatkn masalah sndri lah paling truk..
rupe2nye masalah org lain lagilah beratnye..

moral: jgn lah kite menjadi spt katak di bawah tempurung...
sian katak, xpasai2 kene kutuk.. sori ye katak..hehe

ingatkan nk citer pengisian encik fauzi tgh hari td..penat lah pulak..
oklah, smpaikan walau satu ayat..
sbb ntah2 setan tgh duk usik:
"ko penat tuh..xpayah la nk tulis2 pengisian nih..," bisik pak cik setan.

Pesan encik fauzi..: Jangan abaikan masa bersama anak.. betulkah anak nak duit aje??
tgk ibu singa ni.. pndai dia duk dgn anak dia..
yelah singa mane tau cari duit ek..

sama2 lah kita ingat-mengingatkan..

sekian,
terima kasih.

Today at last I knew why japanese people like to use the see-through umbrella.

I just had a conversation (as always) with one of my best friends. He told me about his research about 同時計測(measurement at the same time) using some sort of matrix-friendly simple equation. Then, we talked about how his research can relate to Boolean function, and Boolean function is in my research! もしかして、将来一緒に研究できるかも？？　I feel very glad because I'm searching the applications of the Boolean function & Fourier Transform.. but I don't know much. Now I got one! Thanks 親友。面白くなって来たぜ！

There's also a part of me that doubting "Nyaaah can you do it..?" I feel afraid to have a dream. Yeah, this maybe a dream. I never thought that our researches could be joint research in the future. A part of me is afraid to dream about this.
夢見る力。。。
I want the power to dream, thus realizing the dream.
Life is too short to feel afraid.
Furthermore, Liyana, trust the capacity of brain that Allah borrowed to you.
Yeah, let's realize this dream!
わくわくになってきた～～いいのかな？いいよ！！大丈夫！
アッラーのrahmatに信じましょう～～～

ade cite2.. hikhik cmbest la pulak. Kene pikir & rancang nih.
Nanti senang sket nak habaq & 説得させる org lain.
Ade impian.. seronoknya!! Aku xmo impian ni kecundang...
aku nak jaga, baja benih impian ni elok2 la. Eee, sayang ko impian

Hari ni macam2 aku rasa.
Semalam aku mbazir masa tdo spnjg masa.
So hari ni otak aku jadi biol.
Takde mood nak borak dgn sape2.
Tensen la aku.
Da la pelajaran/kenkyu pun ntah ape2,
btambah tensen lagi bila aku pikir aku terpaksa jadi mote2 onna.
Bukanlah aku sengaja nak menggedik ke hape.
Cuma kalo pompuan tu baik,
mestila dia disayangi orang sekeliling dia,
memberikan suasana harmoni/ceria/ape2 lah yg seangkatan dengannya.
Aku ni dah lah maleh nak bgaul dgn org,
duk kat tmpt byk org & tpaksa participate dlm ape2 projek,
tpaksa g msyuarat ke, tunjuk muka kt masyarakat je pun
aku bley rase stres,
ni nak "memberikan suasana harmoni/ceria/ape2 lah yg seangkatan dengannya."
Piiraahhh!!
hum, nape aku xberapa rajin nak jumpe org ek?
Aku tak rase sronok pun jmpa org, kcuali org2 yg mmg da kenal prangai aku nih.
Memikirkan " Aghh.. aku kene pegi tnjuk muka ke.." je pun,
aku da bley stres smpai susah nk wat keje.

Nape ek?
Maybe sbb aku xde ape2 nk disumbangkan.
Rasa xbeguna.
Da la sbg pompuan pun, tak cukup pengemas, molek, bsopan-santun dll,
sbg student pun hampeh.
Aku rasa tenggelam di kalangan org2 yg hebat2 blaka.
Aku tak cari chance nak serlahkan bakat aku.
Bakat aku cam xbguna je kt bidang ni.
Lagi satu, kene jd org yg baik dgn sume org, mote2..
ish3x, kasik sama aku stress aja.
Aku sian kat best friend@org kesayangan aku yg sorg tuh.
Balik2 dia je la yg kene lyn prasaan tak menentu aku nih.
Nape aku xbley jadi ceria mcm org lain?
Sebab hati aku tak gembira.
Kenapa?
Sebab aku wat mende2 tak elok.
Banyak tabiat buruk.
Aih.. bley stress ni.
Takpe2.
Penat la stress.
Takmo la lagi stress2 ni.
Ape kate aku hidup je dgn bahagia.
Buat je ape yg patut.
At least aku buat la jugak.
"At least kite bley cakap kt diri kita yg kita da berusaha,"kata Fizah.
Alhamdulillah aku da bley berusaha skang.
Dulu, aku asyik lari je drp kenkyu/pelajaran aku.
Sebab takut tak bley wat.
Tapi skang aku da bley wat sket2 wpun tkedek2.
Orang lain da nun jauh kt depan.
Tapi pedulik ape aku. Aku dengan dia,
wpun sama2 orang,
tapi org lain2. kan?kan?kan?
Akhirnye barulah aku pcaya bahawa aku ni boleh berusaha rupe2 nye.
Aku mati2 ingat aku ni pemalas nak mampuih,
berusaha pun tak boleh.
Alhamdulillah bukan begitu ghupenye.

By the way,
tensen gak aku bila teringat kata2 dlm buku,
buat baik kpd sume lelaki yg ko jumpa hari tuh.
Buku ni mengisahkan cmne nk tambat balik hati org kesayangan,
so dia tumpukan pada wat baik kpd lelaki je lah.
Kalo nak disayangi ramai,
kenelah 「親切」「丁寧」「優しく」「上品」kat sume org!
pehtu, dalam buku lain pulak cakap,
愛される女は、気使いがうまい。
padahal aku ni tak brape pandai nak kidzukai2 nih.
jumpe org pun aku maleh,
ni nak perati mende2 yg mungkin dia perlukan.
Tu aku tensen tuh.
Semuanya menafikan sifat diri aku yg maleh bkerjasama nih.
Buku2 tu tak abis2 suh diri aku berubah.
Menafikan diri aku.
aku terasa ish3x truknye aku.
Tak kan sumer part diri aku xbley pakai kot.
Aku cuma tak biasa jumpe org jer.
Tu pasal la.
Aku just takut2 dgn suasana yg aku tak biasa.
Kadang2 tu masa awal2, aku semangat bukan main.
Bila da lama2 tu, api semangat mulai padam..
Aku terima je diri aku yang macam wave tu.
Aku still tak bley tunjuk hepi memanjang cam org lain,
tapi at least aku da tak merungut sgt kt kwn2 aku.
tu la aku cakap,
kesian org kesayangan aku tuh.
Patutnye dekat dia lah yg paling aku tak nak tunjuk ke-tak-hepi-an aku.
Tak nak la merungut dah.
Tak de ape2 pun yg tak kene dgn org2& suasana sekeliling aku.
Cuma dalam hati aku ni je..
Aku rasalah kan,
Mesti sbb hubungan dgn Allah tak baik.
Nabi s.a.w. bsabda lebih kurang begini,
"Dalam badan ada seketul daging.
Bila baik daging tu, maka baiklah seluruh badan.
Itulah hati."
Bermakna sungguh sabda Rasulullah ni.
Tu la, hati aku gundah gulana.
Aku tau ape aku patut wat.
Solat, baca Quran, zikir..
Tapi apesal aku tak mo wat mende2 tu betul2?
solat tu tak penahnye nak khusyuk.
Tu jugak mencerminkan 集中力aku dlm keje2 aku.
Baru wat keje sket, da melencong wat mende lain..
agak nye kalo aku nak tingkatkan 集中力aku,
aku kene berusaha khusyuk dalam solat.
Besar sungguh peranan solat nih.
Itulah yg aku duk main2 slama ni..
Astaghfirullah..

Ya Allah, bantulah aku mentaati-Mu..
Berilah kami hidayah-Mu & bantulah kami memahami petunjuk-Mu.
Bantulah kami mentaati-Mu di dunia & di akhirat..

Kuang hasam punya adik.

 Aku rasa bosan giler tadi, so I called home to talk with my family. Mom is not there, she's visiting my aunt who is sick. I hope she will be all right. She and her family are strong..

 Talking about my brother. Lastly, I talked to Hakim. Dia kutuk aku macam2! I asked him, " Oo.. tgh mkn ek?" He answered, " Ha ah. masakan mak lagi sedap. Ko masak x sedap. Gambar ko anta tu mcm xsedap." "Hek eleh, mcm la ko reti masak!" Ish, xpuas hati btul aku. Dia kata aku lopek la..

 Cakap pasal lopek, my brother Arsyad, who is studying Diploma in Networking at UniKL, can use C++!!! Aku baru aje nk blaja C, dia dah bley guna C++ & bidang networking plak tu. Haih, cmne adik aku bley lagi terer drp aku nih??

 Hehe dgn ini semangat aku nak jadi terer ( bukan terrorism aaa.. In fact, it's American & Israelian govt that doing terrorism now!! Can't you see it?? I believe u're not blind, so please open your eyes and heart! ) . Kene kutuk dgn adik sndri, tercabar plak. Lagi2 aku dgn Arsyad nyer bidang nak dekat sama rupe2 nye. (Hampeh btul aku, baru tau.. huhu sori la xamik tau sgt slama nih Arsyad.)

 Ha ah la, Pudin aliran ape pun aku xtau. Ape nih?

 Overall, sronok la dpt ckp dgn adik2 aku tadi. Tak rugi tepon family rupenye ek. Kalo diorg xnk ckp ape2, biar aku yg stat citer dulu. heheh. Wpun aku rasa korg sumer da lama tau akan ke-best-an tepon rumah.. aku baru nak rasa.. heheheh.. alaa, cabaran utk setiap org kn lain2.. xsemestinya aku lopek dowh..

 Syok gak tengok "Tanyalah Ustaz" secara online kt TV9.com. Terisi gak la mknn jiwa aku drp duk bg ulat mbesar rosakkn hati aku. Aku ibaratkan cmtu lah, hati aku yg bpenyakit nih, busuk, ade ulat.. so nak kene buang ulat tu, kasi ubat, mkn mknn bkhasiat slalu.. harap2 korg faham ape yg aku nk ckp nih. Stakat dgr/tgk/wat hiburan cm lagu2 @ drama tu.. xbrape jalan la.. tu bkn ubatnye.. silap2 bley btmbh sakit!! Dinasihatkan berubat gune nasihat2 org2 yg mengetahui psl Islam.. & kite pun kene selidik la spy xdisalah beri ubat! Kalo perasan hati sihat pun, mcm badan la, kene exercise slalu dak? kalo tak, nnt da tua myusahkan org.. (aku bkn ckp org tua tu myusahkan.. aku kata diri sndri xnk jaga ksihatan masa muda2, nnt sakit susahkan org lain sebab kdegilan sndri dulu..ade faham??)..

 So, nak hati sihat x??

Oh, by the way, wpun adik aku kutuk aku, I feel happy! haha
Of coz I love my family!

At last, I felt a little happier than before..
after DOING WHAT I MUST DO.

By completing tasks and doing my responsibility, I feel happier.

So, next time, instead of running away, I'll confront with my challenges.
Go, Liyana, go!! 
("Run, Forrest, run!"  Do you remember the movie "Forrest Gump" ? I forget the spell naaah )

Kata comot& kak dayah,
"Jangan terbang terlalu tinggi, nanti jatuh menjunam.
Biar mendaki gunung yang tinggi, kalau jatuh pun lambat."

Aih..dunno why..I'm stressed with myself who doesn't complete what she need to do, wanting something but acting like she doesn't want it (shcolarship).. so lazy that she thinks rezeki would come pouring from the sky without any effort.

 Ha.. She also stressed about have to be a superwoman - do a good job at laboratory, be a person who give benefits to the community, be a nice lady that liked by everybody..  ah.. she just very tired of thinking that she has to be nice and useful to everybody, and do a great job at the university, being a mature woman, be a nice girl that could do all the housework automatically..

 Nobody asked her to be a superwoman. She just thinks that she need to be, and that's her source of stress bcoz she thinks it's too hard to be a well-rounded person. And bcoz she doesn't look at her advantages, she feels like all that surfaced are just her weaknesses.. Where did her advantages gone? Eventhough she sometimes could see her advantages, she tends to compare with other people with the similar advantages.. she gets jealous but the jealousy make her think negatively.. She sometimes thinks that these are her parents fault for not letting her do housework during her childhood..

 What she need to do? She need to accept that from the product of her childhood, she becomes a spoiled lazy girl, and she just need to accept that transforming herself into a quality woman is her challenge, no matter how the other women can make it effortlessly. They have their own challenge, and her challenge is this.

 So what are her real challenge?

 - Get up early, do cleaning&cooking, pray early
 - Make sure that she strive for the work at lab
 - Be nice to everybody who she meets
 - Take the responsibilities ( AJK Madina & Techmu Staff)
 - Last but not least, read Quran especially before&after bedtime
 
What about her excessive sleeping hours? Bcoz of she has overslept today, I think it's not a bad thing that she adjust her time today (stay up doing lab work) until ..Subuh?? Naaah.. dunno. Ah, she need to fill up the scholarship form! Although it's really last minute, but she could give it a try.

 What about the connection between her family members & her? They seemed to avoid her phone call, and she started to think that there's no point calling her family as they don't adore her since long time ago. She doesn't know how to melt their hearts back.
Naaahh.. let's think at other time.

 What about her best friend's call every night? She feels that she need a long time (bcoz she is 鈍い, very slow) to do something. She thinks she wants help with her lab work, not just a phone call.
-She should appreciate the call. She wanted the call badly,not long ago. But she need to use the phone call effectively, for her best friend can help her in her lab work. Her best friend had helped her so many times in so many ways, and now he needs her help, so just help him through this. If she wants time to do her own work, just let him know.

- Yeah, let other people know, early, if you can't give your time for their invitation.

 What about her strength? Doesn't she have any strength at all?
- Just be nice to everybody that she meets. That's what she worries about. When that worry fades away, she will see her strength once more. Maybe  she'll find new strength within her.

------Can I speak a little more..?
 I'm tired of thinking I need to be a superwoman. I just want to be me.
 But who am I, what personality am I actually? A lazy person?

 I'm not 100% lazy actually. I just lost the passion....
  Where can I find the passion.. ? It's within me of course.

Maybe I just have to do like Sha said before.
" Liyana tak payah pikir, buat je. (Liyana u don't have to think, just do it.)"

Yeah. Do I need a plan? Maybe. And not only plan, I need to istiqamah.
   So, what I want to plan? For tonight? Naaaah I'm so lazy.
But maybe I just need to touch the programming. Okay.

Maybe I just need to accept my own disadvantages. So then I would know how to deal with them. Maybe I just need to ignore my pride and admit my weakness.

Yeah..It's not 'maybe'. Just do it, and I'll be okay..

From now on, I'll try to understand you more,Liyana, and try to tell my friends what you really want..early. For the world without misunderstanding.

I'm sorry my friend, for ruining your plan & your belief in me.. Forgive me, friend..

With the help of my love ones, I am proving to myself that I could STRIVE. 私も、頑張れるよ！
Thanks for helping me and loving me.

So today, I baked a cake. Say cheese before eating!

Now I am resting awhile before continuing the clean-the-house. (Maybe I'm resting longer than I should. hehehe).

Work-to-do checklist:
1) 研究計画
2) 研究
3) Spanish language homework
4) Programming Lesson1
5) Studying Internet for the exam
6) Clean-the-house (this including sorting the clothes and things, throw away the garbage, washing the clothes bla bla bla..)
7) Cooking for my poor stomach (^ ^;)

.. So many things to do. Maybe they're so easy for everybody else but I know I'm not someone else. Things that we need to overcome is different.

 頑張るわ～！

Assalamualaikum.

Wpun sejak akhir2 ni aku xberapa suka nk bebel kt blog, hari ni aku nk coret sket lah (bukan carut ek).
Ade je yg aku rase xpuas ati kt design homepage aku ni. Tapi bila aku da tukar kpd tema "I love to cook" ni, okey sket, alhamdulillah.

Cakap pasal Cook ni, aku da lama xmasak betul2. Saikin asyik makan xbetul je. Tu lah yang mase aku trun tokyo tu, kwn2 sumer cakap aku da kurus. Humm, first time rase agak sedey bila dgr org kata aku kurus. Wonder why? Sebab kurus jenis tak sihat. Tak chanto makan. Smlm xmasak nasi sbb beras da abis. Terasa jauh btul supermarket & trase betapa beratnya nk bwk beras tu balik.. huhu

Lapar..

Nak buat kek ah. Sebab aku lapar, maleh rase nk bg kek tu kt org lain. Umi da pndai wat kek, so cm xsesuai la plak aku bg kek kt dia. Yelah, kalo sesape bg kt ko mende yg ko agak 得意, pehtu org tu da la beginner plak, msti ko rase "hek eleh, aku wat lagi best maa". Bukan aku nk buruk sangka, tp kalo nk bg hadiah, baik bg mende yg bukannya "orang tu 得意　tp aku x得意". Faham ke ape aku ckp ni? Faham2 lah ek.

Cakap psl "ek". Aku ade kawan baik dulu, nama dia E.K. (Pronounced "Eee Kay. Okay?)
Her name is Ezzaty Kazmin. So that's why la org panggil dia EK. Her initial. Kdg2 dia bace sms, bila org taip "ek", dia confuse tu nama dia ke, or just the "ek" in the end of the sentence. huhu

Kay la. Harap2 aku berusaha men-teraturkan parts in my life, mane2 yg xbrp nk teratur tuh. Korg pun same lah ye. Sama2 lah kite berusaha ek. Kay, chow!

Last week, I went to Sendai, in Miyagi prefecture.
To participate in a conference.
More accurately, just to see the conference.

That is the first time I went to a far away place and didn't stay at the place.
But this is not what I want to talk to you about Sendai.

What I want to talk to you about is, it's Sendai. SenDAI.
 DAI = big (this equation is not really true,just my assumption).

I was surprised to see that Sendai = Shinjuku.
(Another assumption that I made).
When I went outside the Sendai Station,
"Wow! Am I in Shinjuku??"

Then today I met, actually went dinner with three uncles, well, unmarried ojiisan.
And they told me,
"Nagaoka (size)  is half of Niigata. And Niigata is half of Sendai.
倍。そしてまたその倍！"
Nagaoka is 1/4 of Sendai.
へ～I didn't know.

Better prepare myself with more knowledge than none.
I think I didn't care for parts of this world that unrelated to me.
But that's enough.
I NEED more knowledge.

Today, I received a message from Takei sensei saying that I could go to Master level.
I cried.
Don't know why.
Sensei gata let me pass.
Allah give me one more chance to shine,
thus to atone my sins and mistakes.
I could not afford any more damage to my study life.
I must go on, and appreciate every kindness that i received
by DOING my best.
I CAN DO IT.

http://cacare.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=20&Itemid=41

Cancer is a complex problem that needs multi-approaches to achieve healing. The strategy is to heal from within, while at the same time, resolve some uncomfortable symptoms. The Cancer Care Therapy is a healing-orientated therapy that is being used since 1995, mostly by patients in Malaysia, Singapore, Indonesia and Thailand. There are also patients from Australia, UK, France, US and the Philippines who follow the Cancer Care Therapy.

Step 1: Give Total Commitment to Your Healing

This is your sickness and only you can heal yourself, others can only help. Living a positive life and managing cancer is your responsibility, not the doctor’s. If you refuse to change your ways and lifestyle or if you refuse to provide a helping hand to the healing power within you, who else can?

Our experiences show that those who actually participate in the healing process benefited and won.

Step 2: Seek proper Medical Help

CA Care does not substitute medical doctors. We strongly advise you to get the best from medical science, but at the same time, know of the limitations of the science itself. There would come a stage when there is only that much a doctor could do and no more. Therefore, you need not always leave your fate entirely to your doctors. It is written that there is no single cancer treatment that is universally effective or guarantees a complete cure. In cancer treatment, there is nothing certain except the uncertainty of its result.

The conventional medical treatments for cancer consist of surgery, radiation and chemotherapy. The patients pay dearly in terms of pain, suffering and money. On top of this, there is no guarantee that these treatments will work for you. It is estimated that the "success rate" (not complete cure!) was approximately 40%. What this means is that 60% of the cancer cases do not respond to conventional medical treatments and they are termed incurable or terminal. These patients generally turn to alternative therapy, after that.

Step 3: Take Herbs

CA Care Therapy uses herbs that help people with cancer. This is well documented in the book The Cancer Care Therapy (available at our centers and Books on Cancer website).

There are a few misconceptions about the use of herbs. Also, there are some people who are dead against the use of herbs.

Maria Treban in her book: Health Through God’s Pharmacy answered the nagging question of whether one can overuse herbs. She said, Using herbs is never harmful. On the contrary, they just maintain your health. I am a living example. I have been drinking herbal teas since 1949!

In his book: The Best of Traditional Chinese Medicine, Dr. Xie Zhu-fan, a WHO consultant on traditional medicine, presented data to answer such questions as whether herbs contradict or are harmful when used together with surgery, radiation or chemotherapy. He concluded that herbs are beneficial to patients during their chemotherapy and radiotherapy. Indeed our experiences also show that the use of herbs benefit cancer patients who were undergoing conventional medical treatments. The question of harm or contradiction with modern drugs does not arise.

Also, many educated patients are concerned whether the use of herbs has side-effects. The use of correct herbs is never harmful as evidenced by the testimonies of the people taking these herbs.

Step 4: Eat Rightly

CA Care has come out with a book: Food & Cancer, reflecting our belief that the main contributing cause of cancer is food, eating habits and lifestyle. We also know that many cancer patients who are doing well suffer relapse soon after reverting to their previous bad dietary habits.

We believe that diet by itself cannot heal cancer as much as drugs alone cannot cure it. However, diet is important and can determine the progress and direction in the healing of cancer.

CA Care advocates that your diet consists of:

· Fresh vegetables either raw or cooked.

· Lots of fresh juices and fruits.

· Whole grains, cereals, seeds and nuts in as unprocessed form as possible.

· Avoid meat and dairy products.

· Avoid table refined salt, white sugar and cooking oil with trans-fat.

· Avoid all preserved, canned or processed food.

Step 5: Lead a Happy Stress-free Life

A heart of peace gives life to the body. Proverbs 14:30

We advocate that you do proper exercise daily but do not over-strain yourself. Have a good rest and make sure you sleep well. Cultivate a positive attitude. Avoid anxiety, anger and other negative emotions. Learn how to forgive and forget. Live a loving and stress-free life.

We also find that those who receive full-hearted family support and tender loving care, manage very well. The love, care and understanding of the spouse, children and relatives are very important. At the same time, the sick are encouraged to turn to God for healing and peace.

Healing Crisis

It is possible that after taking the recommended herbs, you may experience discomforts such as diarrhea, fatigue and even intense pain. Your condition seems to be worse than before. If this is what you experience, DO NOT WORRY. What you are experiencing is called healing crisis. CONTINUE TAKING THE HERBS! However, if the problem continues for too long and you are getting worse each day, it is advisable to stop taking the herbs first and seek advice. Generally, after a few days, the intensity of such discomforts decreases with each day. You will gain strength and your condition will improve after some days.

A healing crisis occurs as a result of the body engaging in the process of eliminating the toxins that it has accumulated over the years. Now the toxins are being liberated from their storage places within you and they are affecting the body in full force, resulting in rashes, boils, itchiness, swelling, phlegm and even intense pain. When the process of elimination has been sufficiently accomplished, your health improves.

During this detoxification process, do not take any drugs or medication to suppress the symptoms. Allow the healing process to proceed without hindrance. For example, you may experience diarrhea for three days. You should allow this to happen and take more fluid to aid the cleansing process. Perhaps on the fourth day, the diarrhea may just stop automatically. Of course you must not be too complacent as well. If your health deteriorates with each day or the problem persists for too long, then stop taking the herbs and seek professional advice or see your doctor immediately.

The healing crisis is recognized in all systems of natural healing. In traditional Chinese medicine, it is known as the law of cure.

Healing Takes Time


Cancer does not strike like a thunderbolt. In the book, What You Really Need to Know about Cancer, Dr. Robert Buckman estimated that it takes about two and a half years for a simple cancer call to grow into a lump, the size of a small grape which is visible to the naked eye. If it takes that much time for a lump to form, it is logical to expect that it may take that much time for the lump to regress and disappear through the process of natural healing.

Most of the patients who come to CA Care are in the advanced stages of cancer. After taking the herbs for a week or two, they usually experience some relief and this raises their expectation that healing should come immediately. Such high expectations is indeed regrettable and unrealistic. Cancer patients should be patient for healing takes time.

Even more tragic is that, after regaining some health and doing rather well, some patients even go further and take additional herbs touted by others in the hope that their healing comes even faster. This is indeed the wrong thing to do! We know of many cases where patients die soon after taking such instant healing herbs. Cancer patients cannot afford to make any more mistakes because this will cost them their lives.




One most misinformed or misunderstood idea that many patients believe is that cancer is cured after one has undergone surgery, chemotherapy or radiotherapy. This is often further compounded by the doctors' pronouncement that everything is alright! The patient goes home and continues to live their previous lifestyle. Unfortunately, soon afterwards, the patient suffers a relapse i.e., the cancer comes back. We know of cased in which a relapse occur even after 10 to 15 years in remission. This implies that there is no certainty in the complete cure of cancer. Perhaps cancer patients are not aware or have not been told of the disturbing fact that conventional medical treatments can only help (not cure) 40% of all cancer cases. Unfortunately, 60% of the cancer cases do not respond to these medical procedures.

In her book, The Activist Cancer Patient, Beverly Zakarian said that one of the few things known with certain about (ovarian) cancer is that it is uncertain.

Do not be misled. If you think that you are done with cancer, cancer may not be done with you yet. So, do not be complacent. We take the view that patients need to consider the change to healthy lifestyle and diet as permanent. From our experience, we know that most patients would ask for their unhealthy and forbidden food the moment they feel well enough to talk and eat. This is indeed most regrettable and disappointing. It makes no sense to revert back to an old lifestyle or habits at the first sign of regaining health. Also, patients may need to continue taking the herbs and cleanse the body for a long time yet. There are people who would reduce or stop totally, taking the herbs after the initial signs of recovery. The risk of a relapse is too great to take any chances.

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

Rules: Use Google Image, Yahoo, Flickr, etc etc to search the answers to the questions below. Then you must choose a picture in the first page of the results, and post it as your answer.

I am:

 As you can see at the right picture, I'm a WHAT～?
Burton Reya Helmet - Women's
By: Burton Snowboards

hehe.. don't play-play.. Snowboard helmet's name is REYA!!
  so yeah please don't forget me while snowboarding if u love ur head kay, girls?

I really want to go to:

  This is a picture taken from somebody in Makkah...
I think I wanna go to Makkah.. to cleanse myself.. I've done so many sins..





And also London.. because my 大切な人had been to London and seemed to love the trip.
 




My favourite place:









My favourite thing:
 
 Manga.

The first manga has been read to me by my friend Juliana, titled 'Sailormoon'. 魔法少女っていいねehehe

Now there are many 'versions' of 魔法少女derived from Sailormoon, such as プリキュア. More matured one is 舞Hime or 舞乙女.

I also like Death Note (left).



My favourite drink:  

                                            Van Houten ココア.
  If I go to コンビにand don't know which drink to buy, I'll buy this.
Or maybe I simply わざわざgo to the コンビにto buy this!



                                My Favourite Food: CHOCOLATE CAKE

                               美味しい～～～～～～～～～～～～にゃ～
　　　　　　　　　　　　　sedap~～～～～～～～～～～～～nya～

My favourite colour:

    I love cake house, CHOCOLATE cake, Van Houten ココア.. guess what??
I simply just can't handle the attraction of deep brown.. chocolate colour!!


aduih.. 長いnyer tag ni...
apsal aku sorang je wuwuwu haha thanks sha..

つづく　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　To be continued...  (esok exam OH～～～)